It only hurts when I'm breathing
by Pheonix DeLoures
Summary: Tifa and CLoud Song fic to It only hurts when I'm breathing, by Shania Twain. Cloud comes back after a long absence, to find Tifa. Please R&R, so that I can improve, or write more.
1. It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

*Do not own FF7.... sadly... First songfic, don't hurt me, *cowers* 

  
  


  
  


  
  


_**Hope life's been good to you  
since you've been gone**_

Tifa turned toward the long forgotten, yet familiar voice, a gasp escaping her throat. It had been years since she had last seen Cloud, and now, here he was, standing in front of her. His hair was shorter, and his clothing wasn't something he would have wore a long time ago, but, she admitted to herself, that WAS a long time ago. She didn't know him anymore.

"Hey Teef. How's it going.

_**  
I'm doin' fine now - I've finally moved on  
It's not so bad - I'm not that sad**_

  


Her throat constricted, how could she tell him about her life after he had left. She had moped around, bawling for weeks, knowing he had never gotten over Aeris, and probably never would. But soon, she had decided she would wait for him, no matter how long. She waited a whole year, and, when he didn't come back, she pushed her feelings for him away, and found a new lover. Not him, and she knew she would never love him like she loved Cloud, but she didn't think she'd have to deal with those old feelings._  
  
**I'm not surprised just how well I've survived  
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive  
I can't complain - I'm free again**_

  


She shrugged her shoulders, soft brown hair cascading lightly, before replying, "I get by." Her thoughts ran amok. How could he come back, and just expect everything to be all all right? "How you been Cloud?" her eyes searched his impassible face

His eyes flicked upwards, studying the ceiling, and he sighed, and looked back into her eyes after a moment. "I missed you Tifa."**  
  
_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath - to forget_**

  


"Guess we all have our vices Cloud." Her voice broke, and her eye began to tear up. How many times had she dreamt about him returning to her, taking her up in his strong arms, and telling her he loved her, and only her. But it was not to be. Then... or now. "I really guess we both learned our lesson then."

"Tifa? How can you say that?"

  


_**Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night  
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right  
I've never looked back - as a matter of fact**_

  


"Cloud, I remember there was a time when I would have wanted nothing more than this moment, just for you to come back and see me, To tell me these things, but that time is over, and that girl is gone." She turned her head to the right, to hide the pearly silver tears welling up in her ruby eyes. It only took a few seconds for them to dry, and she looked back to him, no emotions showing on her face.**  
  
_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming_**

  


She drew a deep breath and prepared to say what she dreaded most in life."Cloud, you and I are different people than we were. 

_**So, I hold my breath - to forget**_

  
  


I'm not a replacement for 'her' And I would never want to be. So, I'm sorry to tell you, I'm a stronger woman than to be second best.

  
  


_**Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night  
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right  
I've never looked back - as a matter of fact**_

  
  


"Tifa! You would NEVER be second choice for me. I want you, and only you. You loved me for who I was, not who I acted like. Tifa, I love you."

**_It only hurts when I breathe_**

  
  


".... Cloud, I'm married. "

  
  


**_Mmm, no, I've never looked back -  
as a matter of fact_**

  
  


"To who Tifa? You can't possibly love him more than you love me." Cloud ran a hand through his now short blond hair, his sapphire eyes troubled.

**_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming_**

  
  


"You don't know him Cloud, but he a wonderful man, and He treats me well. He loves me with all his heart, he... You're right, I don't love him bore than you..."

  
  


_**So, I hold my breath - to forget**_

  
  


"But he isn'y going to leave me, he isn't going to run off with some flower-girl, and he isn't going to be completely oblivious to the fact that I love him, like some others I know."**_  
  
Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night  
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right  
I've never looked back - as a matter of fact_**

  
  


"But Tifa, I'm different now, And I KNOW I love you! Why can't you see I love you more than he ever will, and you love me more than you ever will him. Come, Be with me Tifa, I beg you. I need you alongside me again. I've never felt so empty in my life, and I know the void is only from your absence."

  
  


**_Hurts when I'm breathing..._**

  
  


'But cloud, Love honor and cherish are not words I take lightly...' She stood, impassive, her eyes pointed toward his face, but she wasn't looking at him, she was looking past him, through him, so she wouldn't have to see the pain she was causing the love of her life.

  
  


_Breaks when it's beating..._

  
  


Seeing her look through him, he knew he had lost. "Oh, Tifa, I'm so sorry. I know what you always said about marriage, but if you could only understand what I feel, I know you'd rethink...." A sigh escaped his lips, he knew when he was beaten. "Tifa, I'm sorry. But I really did love you then, and I still do now."

He turned, and slowly walked back the way he came, pausing and casting one long last glance at the chestnut haired, ruby eyes beauty, and with a sigh that emanated from the soles of his shoes, and the void of his soul, he turned and walked off.

  
  


_Die when I'm dreaming..._

  
  


And she turned and watched him walk off, Her heart heavy in her chest, big pearl tears showering down her face, but she knew, somehow, that she had done the right thing...

  
  


**_It only hurts when I breathe..._**

  
  


"Oh, cloud, I DO know what you're feeling" She whispered into the wind toward his receding back.


	2. I Need You

_**I don't need a lot of things,  
I can get by with nothing.  
Of all the blessings life can bring,  
I've always needed something.**_

Tifa's thoughts kept returning to Cloud's visit from two weeks ago. He had finally returned to her, after all those years, and announced his love for her, but she couldn't go back. Not now. Could she? She was married, she couldn't just up and leave her husband because the love of her life, her best friend, the person she had shared too many experiences to count, Cloud, she couldn't just leave because he came back. She had vowed that marrage was forever.

_**  
But I've got all I want,  
When it comes to loving you.**_

Cloud, she couldn't just leave because he came back. She had vowed to herself, and her friends that marriage was forever. But that was back when she had figured she would be married to Cloud. Her calm, collected husband took good care of her, he loved her enough, but was it enough?

_**  
You're my only reason,  
You're my only truth  
**_

No. Now that Cloud had come back, and come back purely for her, she HAD to find him. She didn't care if she lost her marriage, she had to find him and tell him how much she loved him. He was everything to her, and now she feared she had missed the chance she had waited for her whole life, the chance to love Cloud like she should, and he would love her back. As she had always wanted.

_**  
  
I need you like water,  
Like breath, like rain,  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate.**_

She packed her things in the night, silently, gazing one last time at her soon to be abandoned husband and sighed deeply. He had been good to her, but she needed Cloud. He had been everything to her, and she would never be able to change that. He stirred slightly in his sleep, and she walked over to him and brushed a lock of hair away from his eyes. "I'm sorry," She whispered to his sleeping form, as she touched his forehead again, and he moaned softly. "I hope you understand. Its just something you could never give me, no matter how hard you tried."

_**  
There's a freedom in your arms,  
That carries me through.  
I need you.  
**_

She Left her home without a look back, headed to who-knows-where, hoping Cloud would be there, or at least someone would have a clue as to where he went. She entered the first town down the road, after walking tirelessly for three hours straight, the sun a faint orange-red glow on the horizon, leading her in the right direction (she hoped)**_  
  
You're the hope that moves me,  
To courage again._**

She entered the Tavern there, her eyes searching out anyone who looked like they were in the loop, and finding one person,, a long haired, dusty traveler, drinking on a barstool near the edge of the dimly lit room. She approached him, her long hair swishing softly, her round hips swaying provocatively, her ruby eyes seeking council.

_**  
You're the love that rescues me,  
When the cold winds rage.**_

She sat next to him, and ordered a drink, waiting for it to arrive before she began her questioning.

"Sir, you look like someone who has been a lot of places, and met a lot of people, and I was wondering..."

A wave of his hand silenced her before she spoke her inquiry, and he took a long draft of his beer before looking into her eyes. "I know who you are, and why you are here." He said, his hoarse voice barely a whisper so she had to strain her ears to hear him.

"Excuse me? You know who I am and what I want? How?" She gazed at him, eyes narrowed in speculation.

"He said you might come after him, he even left me a large sum of money to find you if you didn't.." He took another long draft.

_**  
And it's so amazing,  
'Cause that's just how you are.**_

Her eyes widened in shock at what the man was saying, that Cloud had wanted her to come after him. A slow smile crept across her face, as she hid it behind her beer mug, taking a long sip.

"He said he didn't want you to come for the wrong reasons, so he wanted me to ask your motives before I told you where he was. He's giving you a chance to back out before you make a big mistake." She studied her through his mug as he took another drink, emptying it of its contents.

_**  
And I can't turn back now,  
'Cause you've brought me too far.**_

She shrugged her shoulder and replied simply "I'm in love with him. That why I'm here." Hoping he would not ask her to explain anything more.

_**I need you like water,  
Like breath, like rain,**_

The mans eyes sparkled happily as he told her of Cloud's whereabouts, and she set off without finishing her beer, attempting to at least buy the man a drink for all his troubles, but he refused, and she walked toward the rising sun, new hope dawning in her heart.

_**  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate.**_

She walked for days, stopping every night to sleep, and at each Tavern she visited, the same occurrence happened, with some stranger telling her where he was. Each time, she felt her heart sing at the prospect of being that much closer to him.

_**  
There's a freedom in your arms,  
That carries me through.**_

She had to fight her way through a few forests and swamps, but still she persevered, finding new hope in ever monster defeated, every enemy vanquished, feeling invincible now that she grew nearer to her destination.

_**  
I need you.**_

Finally she arrived at the town they had all told her he was in, but she didn't know where to begin her search. The town was huge, even for what she had heard about it, and the waves crashing against the shore, at the not-too-far-off lake, distracted her.

_**I need you like water,  
Like breath, like rain,**_

She searched frantically, avoiding the Lake for its distracting purposes, and found nothing. Noone in THIS town had even heard of him, let alone seen him. She ran toward the dusty dirty road, prepared to head off, toward....somewhere. She didn't even know where she would go. She hadn't prepared for the possibility of not finding him, she had felt in her heart she would automatically know.

_**  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate.**_

But she had failed her love. She couldn't even find him, after coming all this way after him. Still the crashing of the waves pounded through her head, disrupting her every thought, bringing images of her love to her mind. Suddenly it stuck her. She knew where he was.

_**  
There's a freedom in your arms,  
That carries me through.**_

She ran hard, every vein in her body pounding, her breath coming in short gasps as she ran toward the sound of water, scraping her arms and legs with thorns off bramble bushes, but still she ran on, knowing he had at least been there, if he wasn't now.

_**  
I need you.**_

She turned the corner, and her eyes quickly scanned the water smoothed rocky shore, finding only logs, and debris from what must have been an old ship. So all the people had been wrong. He wasn't here, and he wasn't waiting for her. She felt every muscle in her heart contract, squeezing her lifeforce hard. 'He wasn't here, he wasn't coming, it had all been a trick' she was thinking, when she felt a familiar hand grasp her slim shoulder, and a cry of happiness escaped her lips.

She turned to face the man she had loved all her life, and his eyes caught hers and held them as he leaned down to kiss her soft lips.

_**I need you.**_

"I love you Cloud..." She whispered into his chest as he held her tightly, and they stared out at the crystal waves, crashing against the rocks, the sound brightening even the fading sunlight.


End file.
